I'm Back...

Hello World, The big girl is back and building up motivation to once again attempt a body image cleanse. I don't have quite the motivation I had 2 years ago when I was preparing to stand on a porch and shake the hands of over 1,000 little college girls who were at their best and were yet to face the freshman 15, but I do have that itch to look better and not have muffin tops when I pull up my Wal-Mart jeggings. Really, what kicked me into gear was a little thing I have called a Suit Fetish. Let me catch you up-- I started law school last year and was so excited to finally have a reason to become obsessed with suits. My undergraduate major was Journalism. What.A.Joke. No offense to journalists, but no journalist can really get away with having a suit fetish. I always liked suits, so naturally, I needed to find a career that catered to that particular passion of mine. Business was clearly not going to happen, seeing as how I barely passed OCCC College Algebra, online. Therefore, law school and a legal career seemed like the best option. Once in, I was able to justify buying all the suits I wanted. Well for those of you who don't have a suit fetish/have no reason to own a suit (journalists)/anyone else who doesn't know how expensive suits are, they are really expensive. So while this fetish has been completely acceptable (I may have gone overboard on buying them, but what don't I go overboard on?), what is completely UNacceptable is the fact that I have eaten my way into a bigger suit size and can't afford to buy a big girl suit collection just to accommodate my love for Chinese/Mexican/Cajun/Anything Eatable Buffets. What makes a suit collection acceptable is the fact that you can get away with calling it an “investment” every time you buy a new one… oh grey, I need grey. Oh dark grey, well the light grey is light so I need the dark. Oh black, yes black is a staple, I will need two black ones. Oh navy? Well I didn’t even think of that! Yes, navy, I definitely need navy. Oh suit pants? Yes I need those, but this black doesn’t go with that black, so I will need the full suit to match…. This is just a glimpse into my reasoning… What you don’t see above is oh medium sized? Yes that will be good for the days that I am not eating my way through life/never, I will need this in 5 sizes so that I can cater to my Food Fetish… see, they just don’t work together. Food Fetish and Suit Fetish=enemies/the two opposites of the magnetic field. Which brings me to today, I have to lose weight so that I don’t bust out of my expensive investment into a suit wardrobe. I have been doing pretty good this past month (I know, you are wondering WHY I am just now blogging, sorry…), and in “pretty good this past month”, I mean eating for one and being STARVING 24/7. I think the worst part about dieting is that it really makes me think about food all.the.time. I mean, I do anyways when I am eating whatever my big heart desires, but when I am trying to be healthy, it is even worst. Non-dieting me= either starving, shoving my face with food or omg.so.full.cant.breathe/always thinking about my next meal Dieting me=either starving or starving/always thinking about my next meal BUT, I must say, the one harder thing than dieting is working out. As much as I hate dieting, I really hate working out. At least eating less takes no extra physical effort. If anything, it takes less physical effort than shoving my face with everything in sight. But to work out? Oh, I shutter just thinking about it. I have been “dieting” for a month, and so far the best I have done is to put on work out clothes one day and watch the Bachelorette on my DVR. I think that was my way of working myself up to a workout. I even put on socks and tennies… see? Progress. So here is what you can expect from me this time around: I will continue to attempt a healthy diet. This means more cottage cheese as meals and less cottage cheese as a way to describe my thighs. It also means that… I will start working out. I can’t be sure how this will turn out, but I did download an app on my phone for the “couch to 5k” thing, so maybe that? Or maybe I will just start getting the mail at the end of the driveway? The suspense of the cliff hanger is killing me, we will have to see. It feels great to be back. Stay hungry, I know I will!

Overall Body Wellness...Hard to come by!

So when I first decided to kick start my healthy summer, my goal was to achieve overall body wellness... easier said than done! There were a few things that I figured I would tackle; teeth whitening and perhaps wearing my retainer, working out and eating healthy which was planned to lead to being skinny, and getting a tan bod. I am now over a month in and still going strong on the path... but I'm still not seeing any results that make me jump with joy and explode with motivation.
Clearly, the off brand teeth whitening was a complete bust, I figured I would revisit the whitening path closer to school, that way they will be at their whitest when I need them to be! I should really start wearing my retainer... but it just hurts so bad!
As far as working out and eating healthy, I have done really well lately! Seriously! I just don't really see the difference. Then again, I just spent a while going through my pictures from the end of last year and I was truly repulsed. Maybe that should just keep me motivated?
I have been going to the pool in my one piece and working on getting some color. Last year I signed a year contract with "At The Beach" for unlimited spray tans. Little did I know, it took about one month for the entire concept to completely gross me out. Now I am paying $50 a month for something that literally is never used. Neat. I don't know what I was ever thinking though, seriously! Spray tans smell SICK, look sick, and the come off in awkward blotches... once again- sick! Every picture of me that I am spray tanned in I literally look like a monkey. SICK! So bottom line- I will be laying out a lot this summer. Today I did something that once again repulsed me. I went to the pool and laid out in a TWO PIECE. This was an extremely premature move and I looked like a beached whale. I hated every second of it. Note to self- being in a one piece is bold ENOUGH for summer 2010!
Okay so with all of that wellness underway... I have realized that I have been missing a key ingredient to looking my best... my hair! On the DAY of my 21st birthday...in January...I decided that I wanted a drastic change...why? I still will never grasp the answer... so I went and got a freaking dyke bob. Yes, that is what I have come to call it. My hair was cut off. For some reason I didn't make the connection that fat people are fatter with a dyke bob...well I didn't make the connection till my hair was on the floor of that horrible place and I was left with 21 pictures of dyke bob and spray on tan. I am cringing thinking about it. So even though it has been so long, it is still at a length that I consider a dyke bob. It was gotten so much better, but really, people still ask me if I just got my hair cut...it has been almost 6 months! NO! The dyke bob was a horrible horrible mistake. How do I grow out my hair at a faster rate? I think that is a lost cause. Maybe I will start using horse shampoo?
Also, I have a sick third eye right now which is never encouraging. NEVER. It stares at me every time I see a mirror. Dyke bob + third eye is almost as bad as dyke bob + spray tan....almost. Regardless, chipmunk cheeks and a triple chin make all of the above even worst.
Bottom line, I am still going strong, and still not seeing any instant results. I try to tell myself it is working, but sometimes I just don't believe the lies. I have 44 days till I move back to school... 44 days!
Work out, eat healthy, lay out, whiten teeth, wear retainer, invest in PROACTIVE, take great care of my hair....
Let the journey continue!

Long time, no blog!

Wow. Has it really been a week since I last blogged? You know I am lazy when I am not even keeping up with this little guy! I spent the past three days at the capitol... and lets just say... I didn't exactly eat healthy. BUT, I am back on board today! I just worked out and had some turkey and laughing cow cheese for lunch! Which brings me to two other points...one being that I am trying to make myself enjoy running! I use the elliptical at the gym, but when I go back to school I am NOT going to want to go to the Huff to work out...sick. I need to be one of those sorority girls who gets home and goes, "I HAVE to go on a run!" like I'm craving it or something. Then I need to just go outside and run around embracing the outdoors. For this reason, and to avoid the talking neighborhood ladies who were on the ellipticals, I got on the treadmill and ran some today.
My other point, I have a new favorite snack...turkey, laughing cow (duh) and green tabasco! It is TO DIE FOR. Seriously! Best invention ever...by me!
I did have one healthy dinner the other night. My brother and I decided that we were chefs and made some sort of cajun delight. I was craving crawfish for some strange reason, so I bought some at Target. We mixed tomato paste, wichester, Louisiana hot sauce, garlic, grilled onions, and some chicken broth together on a stove (really, it was amazing!) and the put in the crawfish. Meanwhile, I made some blackened tilapia and once it was all done, we poured the crawfish yumminess over the fish. Best.Ever. And healthy, seriously! Everything was so low in calories that it was a great choice!
Today I am going to the pool to get some sun. You know what they say, tan fat is better than pale fat...and isn't that the truth?
I was starting to actually feel skinnier, then I had the past few days of "vacation"...yeah I'll call it vacation. And now, I am sitting here feeling my bulging double chin and resting my computer on my oversized belly.
No more bad food, the summer is ticking away!
And I'd better keep up with this blog, maybe it actually does help?!

Forgetting to say "When"

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say “when.”
Funny quote huh? I would assume this is more for the people who are yet to except that they are fat, so they still squeeze into the same clothes they were wearing 20 pounds ago. But then again, what am I saying? After all, having a muffin top every time I button my jeans can't be a good thing.
I decided to look for some inspiring quotes this morning. Mostly because I am putting off going to the gym, but telling myself it is more for motivation.
I've caught myself doing it again... "I can't work out today, I am too busy..." Really? because I am pretty sure you woke up over an hour ago and you are still in bed, in your pajamas, pointlessly roaming the internet.
Time to rally for the day. Hopefully there is SOMETHING good on TV; I should really work on finding some aerobic activity I can enjoy...is there such a thing?
I ate healthy yesterday....I am going to start taking pictures of things I eat if they look good, that way I can liven up the page.
My question of the day: should I even bother with weighing my self? I mean, I know when I start looking like a super model people will ask, "How much did you loose!?", but really, it kind of sucks. You feel great about yourself... well not great, I still look like I just stepped off the bus at fat camp...but I feel better...and then step on the scale and NOPE... apparently it does not feel any better at all.
Maybe I will steer clear of the scale for a few more weeks. Or just forever.
I want to shop today...but I think it may be too soon. Theres nothing that will make a fat girl feel fatter than a full size reflection of a dress that looks like she was poured into without saying "when"....

Day 10...Double Digits!

So day 10 has come and gone! Blogging at the end of the day is ALWAYS a challenge. I have done well all day, and all I want to do is sneak down to the kitchen...like I have done many-a-night... and eat everything I see without waking anyone. Kinda like the fat kid version of "Don't Wake Daddy"...you remember that commercial for that game, right?
Regardless, when I face my weakness in the late hours of the night, I poor myself a huge glass (well technically plastic cup, I'll call it a plastic) of water and chug it. It never makes me any less hungry. You win some you loose some.
What a negative light to shine on my 10th day of being a self-conscience health nut? Regardless, I had a rather stunning day. I can name everything I ate. Brilliant.
Slimfast shake, 250 calorie sandwich from Subway, 100 calorie pack of almonds, 2 liters of WATER! (that should be some kind of bonus!), some tuna and pickles, laughing cow cheese, turkey slices, a few veggies, and a 100 calorie pack of cookies (the cherry on top? I'd say so!).
As I was healthily snacking when I got home from work...my brother awkwardly called me out for my new found health kick. "Are you DIETING or something?" He thinks diets are liberal for some reason... we are a rather conservative family, so the term "dieting" coming from him was spat out in a very negative way. Very. Good thing he doesn't know about my blog.
I don't remember what I said back. Funny encounter though.
Today is my wonderful friend Hailey's 22nd birthday. What does that have to do with my health blog? Everything! I will be undoubtedly sharing wine with her in celebration. This is too many calories to even look up. It will be one of those ignorance is bliss type of splurges. It is worth it for you, Hailey!
I just realized I did not share any stories from the lake. I will just paint a quick little mental picture for you. We get on the boat, everyone takes off their cover ups to get some sun. I am wearing one of those 2007 style Juicy Coverups, I got it on eBay in 2008 for pretty cheap. I roll it down to where it covers my stomach and hike up the skirt so my pork thighs can get some sun, and pretend like it is normal. I was like a random cat with all the dogs. Then, when it was too hot to resist a swim, I awkwardly shimmied out of my discount coverup, hid my body with the floating devise (it held me up once in the water, don't worry!) and DOVE in faster than, well, than I have moved in a long time. Not.A.Pretty.Sight. Regardless, I made it through. This is progress, considering the last 2 spring breaks I waded in the ocean in that Juicy coverup.
Picture "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini"... minus the "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie" part and instead of "Yellow Polka-Dot" picture... multi colored polka-dot; target 2007 line.
Which brings me to another rather important point. I have not bought a swim suite since 2007. That is the last year I could stand seeing the blob in dressing room lighting.
Maybe I should start inching to a new goal? Buy a swim suite this summer?
Or, better yet, how about I work out? It has been 10 days and I worked out...what...2?
I do believe that I am a sloth. Then again, sloths are small.
A wise mother of a friend once told her that judging by the size of her hands and feet, she should technically be a small person. Judging by mine, I should weigh 115 and head to the lake with NO cover up.
Next summer, I can feel it. Not as much as I can feel these rolls. Maybe tonight I will dream I am skinny? Theres only one way to find out...Good night bloggers!

Days 7-9...oops!

So I slip up and have to do 2 days in one and then what? I go and have to cover 3! I am sorry. My lack of promptness is just inexcusable! Regardless, I have great news! I was good all weekend! Really though, fruit, turkey sandwiches (With no cheese, and 80 calorie wrap bread, may I add?) and almonds filled my tummy all weekend! We ate out Saturday night and I had grilled chicken with spinach and asparagus. Pretty delicious, and a healthy choice! (Going out in Dallas after, not so much a healthy choice, but I will just act as if it never happened!)
In addition to my lack of being reliable in blog wold over the weekend, I skipped a day of my teeth whitening. It is a 7 day thing that I use 30 minutes a day. I finally finished today and guess how bright my smile is? NO BRIGHTER THAN IT WAS 9 DAYS AGO. Really, Emily? Maybe next time I shouldn't be a cheap-wad and NOT buy the generic Target brand? More than likely, I will tell myself they worked next time I decide to whiten my teeth and go with the cheap brand again. What can ya do?
I just got home from my weekend in Dallas, did I mention thats where I went? I think I did. Anyways, I just got home and today we found out Kristy, my friend I went to Dallas with, has MONO. My friend who I rode in the car down with, shared snacks and drinks with, was with non stop for an entire weekend, yeah THAT friend.
I have had mono before, all I remember is having a horrible taste in my mouth for the entire time. As I sit here and reflect, I think I can taste it again...yes, it was over 7 years ago when I had it...but I am pretty sure it is the same. Or maybe I am coming down with a different disease... hypochondriacism?
Regardless, people who have mono always loose lots of weight, so I kind of think I am hoping to have it. This could be my big break! I am feeling really tired....and weak...and this taste in my mouth....time for bed!

Day 5/6

I know, I know! I didn't blog yesterday...but don't worry; I did not fall off the bandwagon. I was not around a computer so I decided today I would cover the past two days.
Yesterday in a short recap:
the good-- turkey subway sandwich on wheat bread (no top piece) with mustard, chicken fajitas; but just the chicken breast!
the bad-- a blue moon beer, a few bites of chips and queso
the ugly-- I don't really have anything for this, maybe my outfit yesterday? I'll stick with that. Note to self: wearing jeans that are 2 sizes too big does NOT look attractive, nor does it make me look skinnier like I tell myself it does. Throw AWAY the Charlotte Ruse "Boyfriend Jeans". NOW!
In addition to my healthy choices yesterday, I moved out a friend ALLLLL DAY. Literally, heavy lifting. Beds, tables, lots of trips. I have probably never felt so sorry for myself in my entire life. I was sweating like a man. Ugh. Worst ever.
Issues that arose yesterday: Eating out with one person often makes it IMPOSSIBLE to pull off eating healthy. I went to eat lunch with my aunt. Mexican. Isn't it rude to NOT eat the chips and salsa before lunch comes out? Maybe it's not, but how can I resist when I have found a decent excuse for myself?
For today, it was more moving. I think I am the best friend in the world. Heres my brief recap:
the good-- turkey subway sandwich on wheat bread (no top piece) with mustard...I know what you're thinking...yes, I did have that for lunch yesterday. Blah. No one ever said eating healthy came with a vast amount of variety. V8 juice, 100 calorie almond pack, and a healthy salad
the bad-- grande soy vanilla latte from Starbucks; Woops!
the ugly-- I wore the "boyfriend" jeans again, this time with a LARGE t-shirt. Even MORE unattractive. Yikes!
Discovery of the day: On the road and only stopping at a gas station? Well I was pretty tempted with the cheesy popcorn today on my way to Dallas (I am in Dallas right now. Yup, true story.) I told myself that I would poor out half the bag because lets be honest, I am NOT capable of stopping myself! Instead, I grabbed a V8 and drank it. So proud of myself. So resourceful, and ONLY 70 calories! Niceeeeeee
As for my life right now, I am going to be out on the lake tomorrow, all day. Bud 55 anyone? I will let you know how it goes. Maybe I should have packed a few 100 calorie packs for the day.
Does eating healthy count on the water? Does it count on Holiday Weekends? Am I seriously trying to find an excuse to eat bad on a weekend that I will spend in a coverup on a boat? Pathetic.